As a writer and counsellor/family therapist, I've been asked to speak several times on using psychology to create well developed characters and stories. Here's an article I wrote for RWNZ's Heart to Heart newsletter last year. For anyone interested in learning more about adapting psychology theories for writing, I'll be releasing a book about it in the next few months. Join my newsletter mailing list so you don't miss out.
Psychology and storytelling have
a long and intricate history together.
Human beings make sense of their world and their experiences by telling
stories. Myths are stories that make
sense of the unexplained. Histories are
stories to make sense of the world.
Stories can be propaganda. They
shape and change our views, our emotions, and even the way we view ourselves.
Psychologists refer to “narrative
therapy” as a way to engage with the stories their clients tell about
themselves. The more frequently a person
tells a particular story about themselves, the stronger its effects
become. Changing the story can change a
life.
As writers, we can borrow from
the theories and learnings of psychology to create well rounded, fully
developed characters who instinctively make sense to our readers. Writers and psychologists are both, at their
heart, students of what makes people tick.
The self-stories our characters
tell themselves help to shape both how they behave in the present and how they
might encounter conflict and crisis as the story unfolds. For example, the alpha male character may be
comfortable telling himself that he is successful, strong, and capable of
handling anything – which gives rise to a crisis of identity should events prove
that story wrong. Alternatively, he
could be driven by a self-story of inadequacy which he is determined to
overcome.
Writers should understand the
often untold stories that the characters tell themselves. Where did the character get these ideas about
herself or the world? What messages did
she receive as a child, consciously or unconsciously, that led to that
belief? How does it impact on behaviour
now? And how will it create conflict
with other characters?
Conflict is, of course, a big
part of what makes a story interesting to read and drives the action
forward. In real life, clients come to a
psychologist or counsellor to help them resolve their conflicts. For writers, an understanding of how to make
them arise is even more important.
John Gottman identified a set of
behaviours that relationship counsellors refer to as the Four Horsemen of the
Apocalypse when it comes to relationships.
These behaviours herald a relationship in decline and are warning signs
for a counsellor and a starting point for where to rebuild a couple’s
connection. For the writer, they offer insight
into opportunity for conflict and drama – the staple of any good story.
They are:
• Criticism – blaming and attacking personality
or character rather than specific behaviours
• Defensiveness – defending actions without
being willing to hear the other point of view
• Stonewalling – withdrawing without being
willing to resolve the issue, often called “the silent treatment”
• Contempt – saying things to your partner with
the intent to insult and hurt
Writers of romance can make use of these behaviours to create problems in
a relationship. Beware of using
contempt, however, as it is the most damaging of the horsemen and will require
the most mending to create a solid and believable happy ending. There will have to be a shift in the way the
characters think of each other and behave to each other and a motivation to
forgive past behaviour. The good news is
that, as a writer, you can be creative about how that happens. Counsellors have a much harder time being
stuck with only reality to work with!
The concept of “love languages” is another useful cool for counsellors
and writers alike. Gary Chapman came up
with the notion that people use different methods – or languages – to express
love and affection. Conflict can occur
in relationships when participants differ in the primary love language.
The five love languages are:
• Words
• Acts of service
• Touch/physical affection
• Gifts
• Quality time
A classic example of this might be one partner’s complaint, “He never
says he loves me and he’s always wanting to go out with his friends and doesn’t
spend time with me so he doesn’t really love me.” While her partner replies, “I bring her cups
of tea in bed every morning and we snuggle and kiss every time we meet and hold
hands. How can she not know I love
her?” Her love primary love languages
are Words and Quality Time. His are Acts
of Service and Touch. They are missing
the messages they send each other and as a result, feeling unloved.
Set up your characters to have conflicting love languages and part of
their journey is to the realisation of what the other has been trying to
portray.
In Pride and Prejudice, Mr Darcy’s way with Words leaves something to be
desired and Elizabeth has always been so very good with them. But when her family is in dire need, it is
Darcy’s Act of Service in coming to their aid that demonstrates to her his
love. Although she does comment that her
attitude to him may have begun to change when she saw his home at Pemberley, so
perhaps our Lizzy speaks the language of Gifts also!
None of these love languages are
right or wrong, they are simply different ways of expressing the same sentiment
and when we – or rather, our characters – understand that, they can see the
emotions behind the behaviour and find their way to a happy ending.
And, at the end of a story full
of conflict and drama, a happy ending is what we want.
Note: You can see many of these techniques in action in my novel, Currents of Change.
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